A Walk on the Wild Side

Walk on the Wild Side

Summary: Eric Northman isn’t looking forward to joining his students in wilderness camp, especially when other teachers like frumpy, ice-queen Sookie Stackhouse will also be going. Lemony one shot for   All Human.
Spoilers: Contains characters and species references up to book 8.
Rating: MA/18+
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris.
Status: Complete. Approx. 4,000 words.

Words could not describe how unenthusiastic I am as I shamble towards the convoy of coaches. Its 5am, I’m hung over after a bachelor party and I didn’t even get laid despite the alarming number of slutty girls that surrounded us at the bar. The first night in two weeks where I didn’t have health and safety, survival or first aid training and I don’t even get my dick wet. Pissed off and frustrated doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel and now? Now I get to spend three nights in a fucking tent in the middle of nowhere. Ten teachers, eighty students, three coaches and the largest camping trip ever planned in the state. It was bound to be a complete fucking disaster but Niall Brigant, the Principal of Bon Temps High School, was jumping around like a cheerleader on ecstasy.

“Right everyone! Placeeeees!” He clapped like the fairy that he is. He swore up and down he was straight but the fact he was camp as the trip we were taking and had previously been the head of Drama told me different.

I looked at the clipboard I was handed and groaned. Not only was I stuck on a bus with some of the most annoying students, but I was stuck on a bus with the most annoying colleagues too. Pam Ravenscroft, Biology teacher – vehement lesbian and bane of any new female teachers. Bill Compton, Geography teacher – creepy fucker who was also the bane of any new female teachers … and some of the older students too. Then, right at the bottom, Sookie Stackhouse, Drama teacher – severe hair styles, thick rimmed glasses, lots of floaty floral clothes that made her look like a seventy year old. This trip couldn’t get any worse and it hadn’t even started yet.

Standing at the door of the bus, checking of the students as they filed onboard, I closed my eyes and wished I was teaching the chess club how to play Soccer rather than do this. When the last kid was on the bus I got on and stood at the front, putting my ‘mean phys-ed’ coach face on and giving them the spiel on what was expected from them during the trip. Pam and Bill were already there, sitting halfway to the back of the bus on opposite sides. I heard feet slapping on the damp surface of the sidewalk and turned to find some blonde chick running for the bus. Tight jeans and shirt, hair wild from rushing around, it was only when she scraped her hair back into a ponytail and put her glasses on that I recognised who it was.

“Miss. Stackhouse, how thoughtful of you to join us.”

I smiled. Okay, I checked out her rack too but mostly I was smiling. She didn’t focus on the smiling part. She scowled at me before stomping on the bus with her nose in the air. The rest of the journey was Longest fucking bus ride of my life.


It was 4pm by the time we’d set up all the tents. The campsite owner, Sam Merlotte, seemed like a nice guy. He was very ‘wilderness’ – all shaggy hair, plaid shirts and stubble, the teenage girls were drooling over him. Which made me feel better; it was creepy when they drooled over me. I know I’m a good looking guy, I’m tall with long blonde hair and I keep myself in shape but having sixteen year olds coming on to me makes me feel slimy. All of us were eating beans and sausages out of tin bowls that had been cooked in a big pot hanging over a cooking fire. I was halfway through eating when I realised that every teacher was supposed to supply certain things for the trip. I was supposed to bring graham crackers, chocolate and marshmallows to make smores. Shit.

“Eric man, what’s up?”

I turned to Bill; I wanted to slap him for talking to me like we were buddies. “I didn’t bring all the stuff to make smores.”

Bill huffed and threw me a dirty look before stomping off to find Niall. I was in big trouble. Half an hour later, I’m sitting behind the wheel in a piece of shit jeep that’s as old as I am. Sam was cool with us borrowing the campsite vehicle so I could drive the thirty miles to the nearest town. I checked my wallet to make sure I had my charge card but before I could start the car, Niall leaned in the window.

“It’s a long drive Eric, and it’s starting to get dark. I’ll get someone to keep you company.”

I rolled my eyes when his back was turned and rested my head on the steering wheel, resigning myself to having to spend over an hour with Bill, or worse, Quinn. Quinn would want to ditch the trip to Wal-Mart and go to the closest bar. I turned my head when the passenger side opened and almost sobbed in grief when Sookie Stackhouse sat next to me. She stowed her purse at her feet and fastened her seat belt, all without looking at me or speaking. I sighed and slowly drove the car away from the camp. There were no real roads for miles, it was all just dirt tracks and even with the head lights on full beam, it was hard to make out where we were supposed to be going. We’d been driving for over forty five minutes when Sookie eventually made a sound.

“We’re lost.”

I stopped the car and looked at her. “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

She looked kind of scared, it shocked me. She was chewing on her bottom lip and frowning. She reached down and pulled a cell phone out of her purse, getting out of the car and wandering around holding the device in the air. Finally she got back in the car and dropped the phone into her purse again.

“No signal. You’re an ass.”

“Excuse me?” Those five words were the most she’d ever said to me in the year that she’d been working at the school.

“You. Are. An. Ass.” She snarled. “If you hadn’t been so idiotic and actually remembered to bring the stuff you were supposed to bring then we wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be stuck in the middle of nowhere with a dick like you and no clue which direction to start walking in.”

“Look, I’ll turn us around. It’s pretty muddy, we can follow the fresh tyre tracks back to camp and I’ll skip canoeing to go shopping tomorrow. The kids can go without smores for one night.”

Sookie nodded stiffly and I cautiously made a six point turn until we were facing the right direction. When the head lights flickered and the engine sputtered and died, Sookie started crying. Hell, I felt like crying too. I got out of the car and opened the trunk, finding a flashlight quickly. The battery on the car seemed fine as the lights were still on; one thing that clearly wasn’t fine was Sookie.

“Eric Northman, I fucking hate you.” That was all she said before grabbing the flashlight and stomping off through the mud in her sneakers.

I looked at the car and decided to leave the keys in the ignition, the head lights would give us a point to be heading away from at least. I ran to catch up with her and she ignored my presence. After walking for ten minutes I turned to see the light from the car was still going strong, when I turned back Sookie was standing still. The flashlight had gone out. I tentatively took it from her and shook it, nothing, I squinted in the dark to take the batteries out and swap them round, nothing. I sighed but jumped in shock when it was grabbed from my hand and Sookie grunted as she threw it as far away as she could.

“Eric.” She was panting; I was actually pretty scared of her by this point. “What do we do now?”

“The safest thing to do is head back to the car and wait.”

She turned around and shoved me, hard, I almost lost my balance. “Wait? Wait for what, wild animals to realise its snack time?”

“We go back and wait until others come looking or the sun comes up. Inside the car we’ll be safe.”

Sookie stepped towards me, poking me in the chest. “I. Fucking. Hate. You.”

“Look, Sookie, I know it’s my fault we’re out here but the car, the flashlight … those things aren’t my fault.”

She sighed and trudged back towards where the car was waiting. “I know that. And later I’ll apologise but right now, I hate you.”

I could understand that. I followed her, not wanting to get too close in case she decided push or prod me again. When we got closer to where the woods were illuminated I could see the way her jeans hugged her. She had an amazing ass. That thought kept me going until we reached the ancient jeep. Sookie grabbed the handle and pulled. It didn’t open. Are you kidding me? I got to the car and peered in the window. Sure enough, there were the keys inside and the buttons on the doors were pushed down. We were locked out of the car. This was officially the worst day of my fucking life. And the way Sookie looked at me; it was the worst day of her life too. Today was so bad that I wasn’t even surprised when the rain started drip dropping. It wasn’t too bad; the night was warm so at least we wouldn’t freeze to death.

“Why does everything go wrong for me when you’re around Eric?” She was really angry. In the faint light I could see her cheeks were almost red and she was inhaling deeply through her nose.

I shrugged. “I don’t know … maybe I’m like the opposite of a lucky rabbit’s foot for you?”

She slowly walked around the car, like a cat stalking a mouse. “An anti-rabbit’s foot? Seriously?”

I was pressed against the side of the car when she did it, there wasn’t really anywhere to escape to. She smacked me with her purse. It fucking hurt, she must carry a fucking brick around in that thing. I cried out and held my arm but she just growled and smacked me again. I had to stop her from hitting me but I didn’t want to hurt her, she was almost a foot shorter than I was and must have been a size 10, one wrong move and I would really harm the chick. I tried to grab her purse from her but she just let it go and started slapping me instead. I tried to grab her wrists but she wriggled and started kicking me in the shins, her glasses falling to the ground in the struggle. I managed to turn her round and hug her to my chest but she just wriggled even more, which got embarrassing because I groaned when that perfect ass of hers rubbed against my crotch again and again. I heard her growl but I was kind of distracted, so it came as a huge shock when she managed to lift me a little by grabbing my arms and using her shoulder as leverage. I really did lose my balance this time and fell on my side in the mud.

“What the fuck, Sookie?”

I saw her pull her foot back but grabbed her ankle before she could even finish the thought of kicking me. She wobbled and fell on top of me. Her eyes were wide and her hair was now mostly loose from her ponytail, the blonde strands beginning to stick to her face as the rain got heavier. She was panting again, not with anger this time, with exertion. She looked fucking hot, all pink and breathing heavy. There’s no excuse for what I did next, except maybe immense stupidity. I pulled her towards me and kissed her. In the mud and the rain, I captured her mouth with mine and laid one right on her.

And after the smallest of struggles, she kissed me back. Hard and deep.

I don’t know if she was thinking along the same lines as me. That this day was such a fucking disaster, the only thing that could be salvaged from it was angry sex. When she started tugging at my shirt I really didn’t care if we were thinking the same thing, as long as she kept thinking about getting my clothes off I was good. I pushed her away so I could breathe and she moved down to my abdomen, licking and kissing her way back up as she pulled my shirt with her. I was watching the whole thing in the light from the car; thank whoever the fuck is up there for the light from the car. The way she was practically chewing my chest was fuck hot. Frumpy ice-queen was secretly sexy as hell, who knew?

It was struggle, but I managed to get my shirt off without her having to stop what she was doing. I groaned as Sookie latched onto one of my nipples, she bit down just a little when she did it. I threaded the fingers of one hand through her hair and pulled the elastic holding what remained of her ponytail out. She bit down a little harder and I pulled at her hair with both hands, she moaned and the noise went straight to my dick.

Whether it was because we were in the woods or not, I don’t give a shit, I growled like a wild animal and clawed at her clothes. She sat up and threw her shirt somewhere and then she took off her bra, I was in awe. Her breasts were perfect; round and firm with hard rosy peaks that begged to be suckled on. So I did. I sat up and latched on, trying to control my eyes as they rolled back in my head when she started grinding her crotch against mine. Just like I had tugged at her hair, she did the same back to me. I reached down and popped the button on her jeans, while I was lowering the zip she lifted herself just enough for my hand to slide inside. It wasn’t enough though, her jeans were too tight. I let go of her nipple and grunted as I tried to push her jeans over her hips.

Call me a pussy, but I whimpered when she stood up. Fucking whimpered. But when I saw she was wiggling that amazing ass of hers out of its denim prison my dick jumped for joy and demanded the same treatment. By the time I had my pants and boxers off, Sookie was completely naked.

Standing in the rain.

Rivulets of water running down over her large breasts to the triangle of downy blonde hair between her legs.

I got on my feet and pushed her against the jeep, licking and sucking at her neck, moving down her toned body until I was on my knees and pushing her legs apart with my hands. Sookie bent them a little, allowing my mouth more access to her pussy. Licking softly and listening to her gentle cries, I buried my face and tasted her. Exquisite. I heard her grunt then she pulled my hair.

“If you’re going to go down on me fucking do it Eric! Stop fucking around.”

Yes Ma’am.

I sucked on her clit like my life depended on it and brought my hand up to stroke her. She was really wet. Really. Wet. Two fingers slid inside her easily and I pumped them in and out as I kept sucking and licking at her pearl. Sookie’s legs started to tremble, I had her on the edge ready to fall but suddenly she pushed me back into the mud and climbed on top of me. Despite my size, she took all of me in one thrust. There were a lot of girls that couldn’t do that but Sookie fit me like a glove. A hot, wet glove.

“Oh fuck that feels good!”

I groaned as she rocked and swivelled her hips. For some bizarre reason, it occurred to me that she was fucking me. A woman hadn’t fucked me since I lost my virginity, sure, I’ve fucked plenty but being fucked is a completely different ball game. My hands squeezed at her hips as I helped her move up and down my shaft. Sookie clawed at my shoulders, I could feel her nails digging into my flesh. I bent my knees and pushed her back to lean against them then took one of her hands from my shoulder and placed her fingers on her clit.

“Oh fuck Eric!”

She was panting and rubbing while I pulled at her hips and thrust up into her. Watching her touch herself, getting herself off, was as much a turn-on as feeling her tight pussy grip my cock as she got closer to orgasm. I never wanted this to end; it was the best fucking sex I’d ever had. I was getting closer and closer, I felt my balls start to tighten. Then she looked right into my eyes, her forehead was creased and I could see her teeth grinding. I was holding back as long as I could, and it was worth it when I felt her muscles spasm around my dick and long, drawn-out ‘oh’ came from the pouty mouth of hers. I was done; I emptied inside her with so much force it made my toes curl and my knees lock.

Sookie laid her head on my shoulder and we panted in synchronicity until the shaking stopped. Then there was that moment. You know the one. The moment when you realise you had angry sex in the mud with someone who’s practically a stranger. Awkwaaaard.

“Um … we should … uh …” She sprang up and backed away from me, her cheeks burning with shame. “Hey, no, don’t do that. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Her small hands curled into fists at her side. “Everything is not going to be fine. My Father is going to kill me!”

I watched confused as Sookie ran around trying to find her clothes. When she picked up her mud soaked panties she started crying. I didn’t have a fucking clue how to handle this. I slowly stood up and went over to her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“It’s okay, we’ll just toss those. And we can explain the mud; we’re locked out of the car so we had to … uh … seek shelter under the trees. Yeah.”

Sookie attempted to pull her soaking jeans over her muddy legs but stopped for a second to berate me. “We’re covered, covered, in mud. Inside and outside our clothes. The camp has a communal shower block. I have the worst case of sex hair ever and your jizz is running down the inside of my fucking thighs! It. Is. Not. Okay!”

“You’re right. It’s going to be pretty tough to hide this.” I was about to laugh at her jizz comment when reality smacked me in the face. “You … uh … are you on the pill by any chance?”

She glared at me. “No, I get the shot. Are you clean?”

I nodded. “You?”

“Yes. I … I don’t do this.” She waved dismissively at the ground then in the general direction of my penis. “My Dad is gonna kill me.”

I picked up my own dirty clothes and almost sobbed when I started putting them on. It was really, really gross. “We’re miles away from anywhere; you have a change of clothes at the camp. Your Dad never needs to find out.”

She looked at me with wide eyes. She was acting like I’d taken her virginity on prom night and now she’d need to do the walk of shame back to her parent’s house. “Niall is my Dad.”

“Oh shit.” Yeah, this would be really hard to hide from her Dad, especially since you could guarantee Niall would be leading the search party.


The two of us leaned against the jeep. The rain had calmed down but was lightly drizzling, making it look like glitter falling from the trees in front of the head lights. Sookie was tense as she stood with her arms crossed tightly over her chest, the action brought her breasts almost up to her chin and I must have subconsciously licked my lips or something because the next thing I knew I was back in the mud with a sore face.

“You hit me!”

“You were checking out my rack … again!”

“It’s a very nice rack.” I shrugged.

“This has been the worst day of my life.”

“Really? Your moans of pleasure told me different.” I smiled at her and she giggled.

“Well … that part was good. I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have just attacked you.”

“Don’t apologise, it’s the best sex I’ve ever had.”

She looked at me like I told her I told her I like to hula dance to keep in shape. “Okaaaay, we’re doing that thing then.”

“What thing?”

“That thing, where you say anything to stop things from being uber awkward afterwards.”

“I’m not. It really was the best ever.”

“Really?” Her nose crinkled when she smiled, it was cute. “Oh, well it was pretty … okay very good. Absolutely, extremely, very good. Do I still have sex hair or has the drizzle gotten rid of it?”

“It looks … bushy. What will Niall do? You’re a grown woman, I’m a man. He knows how it works.”

Sookie sighed. “He’s really … strict. That’s why I have to wear what I wear in the classroom. He keeps trying to set me up with some Preston guy, like it’s an arranged marriage or something. I’m not supposed to be attractive to anyone else, so to save him ragging me for wearing something too sexy, I wear clothes that my Gran says are too old for her.”

“Wow that sucks.” Just then I’m sure I heard voices. I squinted into the woods and saw tiny beams of light way into the distance. “Looks like we’ve been found.”

I shouted to the little beams and Sookie joined in. When they were closer and we could see shapes making their way through the trees, she grabbed my hand.

“I’ll never forget how you made me feel.”

“Angry, hateful then orgasmic?”

“Yes! It was exhilarating. But it didn’t happen okay?”

I tapped my nose and nodded. “Gotcha.”

Niall ran out of the tree line first, heading straight for Sookie and sweeping her up into his arms. Bill came over to me and looked me up and down. “Geez Eric, were you fucking in the mud?”

“Nah, I went under the car to see if I could find out what was wrong. Besides, you think I’d be able to get it on with the ice queen?”

“Yeah man, good point! Was she a pain in the ass?”

“She was pretty scared, but she’ll be fine now.”

We trudged back to camp with a bittersweet mix of bad and good memories. I doubted very much that the stars would align in such a way again but if somehow Sookie and I got caught alone again, I wouldn’t waste a second fighting with her.


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