Chapter 5 – Ctrl/Alt … Enter
I sent Eric a text to let him know I’d spoken to Yvetta and found out what drug they had given Pam. I also mentioned checking out Petits. While I waited on his reply, I actually went to my wardrobe. All of the scenarios Pam had described in her diary popped into my head and my imagination went wild thinking about me being in those situations … with Eric. My phone rang as I was raking through my lingerie drawer.
“It’s Eric, when exactly did you lose your ever-loving mind?”
“What the hell does that mean?” I replied sharply.
“They know we’re searching. Holly’s apartment was cleared out and she was found dead – dead, Sookie, as in not living anymore. These people aren’t fucking around and now they know that we’re on the scent.”
“Oh. Well … how much do they really know about us anyway?” My brain screamed at my mouth for being so damn flippant when Eric was voicing an extremely valid concern.
“Well, for a start they know what we look like. Even if there weren’t cameras in the apartment block, the security guard will be able to describe us. Anyone asking questions about Pam, Amelia or Andre will be suspect. If we go on to their turf and start quizzing people, we might as well buy some T-shirts saying ‘hey, please kill us’ for the occasion.”
“Okay, I get it now … I just … Yvetta made it sound like a good idea. It sounded exciting, y’know? Going undercover in a sex club, like an R rated Bond and Moneypenny teaming up to find Q. Besides, what other avenues do we have to continue the search?”
“It’s not as simple as just strolling in, we have to be careful now, Sookie. I can’t stop you from going, but I won’t be playing Bond to your Moneypenny in Le Petits Morte. Christ knows what you could catch from going in there!”
“We’re in this together, Eric, I won’t go without you and you’ve made me see sense about it. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to think we could just walk in there. You know I’m in my bedroom picking out some clothes for it?” I laughed and, thankfully, Eric joined me. “I knew it was a bad idea, I don’t know what I was thinking, seriously!”
“Would you really want to go somewhere like that? With me of all people? It would be too awkward for words.”
“Awkward? So … you thought about it too?”
“For a second, my rational hat slipped a little. I need to get back to this paperwork or I’ll never be done here, I’ll come to your place as soon as I’m done okay?”
“Okay, call me when you’re leaving Baldur’s so I can start dinner.”
“Will do, Sookie, see you later.”
I dropped the black chiffon chemise I was holding back into the open drawer and went to make more coffee. Of course Eric was totally right! Why didn’t I think of all those things before?
Because I’m so intent on finding Pam, my own safety came second to reacting to the evidence.
I decided to dispense with the coffee and go for a nap instead. Maybe some sleep would wake up my self-preservation skills.
My heart was racing when I was jolted from my sleep by the ringing of the telephone. I’d had a very … risqué dream involving Eric and several different types of foodstuff. My stomach growled as I picked up the call, at least I knew where the food inspiration came from.
“Hi, it’s Eric; I’m just leaving the bar. I’m going to stop at my house and shower before I come over. Be there in forty.”
“Wow, is it that late? I fell asleep and … no wonder I’m starving! See you soon.”
“Lucky for some. Bye.”
I hung up and ran into the kitchen, curling my lip in distaste at the way my panties were sticking to me after my subconscious decided to take my libido for a spin. After I checked I had everything I needed to make a quick stir-fry, I rolled my hair up in a clip and jumped in the shower. I made it a cold one. My intercom buzzed just as I was lowering the heat on dinner so it wouldn’t burn. Same as last time, I answered and left the door open a crack while I went and sorted our meal onto plates.
“Smells great in here.”
I turned to smile at Eric; he was carefully placing a bag next to the sofa. He was dressed for comfort, much like me, with a racer-back shirt and loose fitting jeans under a zip up hoodie.
“Well, I hope it tastes as good as it smells. I planned to make fried chicken but there wasn’t enough time.”
“There’s always next time.”
Eric winked and was shovelling the food in his mouth before his (very attractive) butt hit the chair. We ate in relative silence, Eric made the occasional noise signifying he was enjoying what I’d made, but there was no small talk. No need to fill the room with idle chatter. We were … comfortable. I cleared away the dishes and was getting cups out for coffee when Eric spoke.
“Dinners on me next time.”
“What?” I dropped the cup on the floor and it broke into pieces.
“Dinners on me next time, I might not be a great cook but I can order take-out like nobody’s business.” He frowned, having no clue that I really had been thinking about dinner being ‘on’ him.
“Oh! Yeah, that would be great!”
I strained a smile and tried to remember, in my flustered state, where my little dustpan and brush set was. Once I’d cleaned the mess and made the coffee we sat in the couch. My laptop and Pam’s diary were sitting on the table in front of us.
“So, I was thinking about what you said earlier. About not having other avenues to search.” Eric tapped the side of his cup with his short fingernails. “Le Petits Morte is out of the question, but that doesn’t mean to say there aren’t other places we can search.”
“Like where? Pam hasn’t mentioned anywhere else … well, so far anyway.”
“Then we keep reading. Yvetta … I’m not sure how much she wants to help. How do we know that she didn’t introduce Pam to Amelia so she would get drawn into that world? I just don’t trust her.”
I hadn’t thought of that, it seemed unlikely but at this point the only people Eric and I could trust were each other.
28th April 2010
Ames took me to another club tonight. She said it wasn’t a good idea to make LPM a regular thing because it was so open, as long as someone knew where it was they could get in. This place was very exclusive, Ames had to show a membership card and they asked to see my driving licence. Apparently, this club didn’t even have a name; it didn’t even stay in the same place very long. Ames gave me one of her special shots before we left, so I had a good buzz going by the time we got there. It was the back room of LPM times 10, you couldn’t look anywhere without seeing someone getting fucked or blown, I knew why Ames had given me a shot before we got there. It isn’t as shocking when your energy levels are through the roof and your cunt is singing hallelujah at the first finger.
“This has to be the club Yvetta mentioned, she said it was exclusive.” Eric took the diary from my hands. We were sitting right against each other on the sofa; I’d been holding the journal between the two of us while we read. “I just can’t believe how willing she was to take drinks that were obviously spiked. She didn’t even seem to question what they were spiked with; she was just interested in the buzz and having a good time.”
I shuddered; I always thought Pam was level headed and sensible. “She always had a wild side, wanting to experience new things but this is something completely different. But when she met Bill, that part of her just disappeared. I thought she had just … I dunno … grown up? Maybe she was repressing it and when the opportunity arose she grabbed the bull by the horns?”
Eric shrugged and put the book down, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. I thought about everything I had heard, seen and read in the last few days and realised how much I had changed.
“Y’know, on Saturday night if you’d have told me I’d be perfectly fine reading my friends diary, not at all shocked at what she wrote in it and was perfectly fine with visiting a sex club to find out where she was … I’d have to ld you to shut your dirty mouth.”
I felt one of Eric’s warm hands clasp mine and inhaled sharply as his other hand cupped my cheek to turn my face toward him. “If you had told me that we’d be sitting practically on top of each other reading about Pam’s sex life, I’d have called the psychiatric unit to haul you away.”
There was a brief moment of intensity between us, our eyes burned into one another. Then Eric blinked and smiled. The moment was gone, or maybe I just imagined the moment to begin with?
“A psychiatric unit, huh? Nice, I’ll remember that Eric.”
He took his hands away from me and I got up to make more coffee. I was rinsing the cups and flicking the coffee maker on when I felt something on my shoulder. I squealed, it was an awful girly sound but at least it wasn’t a scream, and turned to find Eric standing very close to me.
“You don’t want more coffee?”
“No … do you have something stronger? My mind is going round in circles and some alcohol would be better than coffee if I want to sleep tonight.”
“Oh, all I have is a bottle of four roses my brother left last year. I’m not one for drinking. Even if you just had one you’d be over the limit to drive home … unless you want to stay here. I slept better last night, having someone close.”
“Me too.” His voice was quiet but you could hear he sounded surprised to be saying it.
I pulled a glass and the bottle of bourbon from the cupboard and sat them on the counter for him. Eric poured two fingers in the glass and gulped it back before slamming the glass back on the counter and pouring more into it.
“Wow, you’re really knocking it back! I have a spare room, if you want me to make up the bed?”
“You won’t share your bed with me?”
“I didn’t say that. I was just offering to make up the spare bed … same as you did with me last night.”
“I want to be close to you. It’s … something I haven’t wanted for a very long time, hence the alcohol.” He waved at the bottle. “I’m confused and Pam isn’t here for me to talk to her about it.”
“Well, I’m sure you’ll work things out on your own.” I smiled and rubbed his bicep. Big mistake. His skin was soft and his muscles were hard. My mind went into overload thinking about how that arm would feel wrapped around me. I pulled my hand back and stepped away from him. “We should get back to finding Pam, while thing are still fresh in our minds.”
Eric nodded and cleared his throat. “Y’know, there’s a big community out there for sex clubs and the like. I’m sure we could find something on the internet.”
“That’s a great idea but … where do we start? Where do we find these communities?”
“Google.” Eric flashed a winning smile at me and opened my laptop. “So would sex clubs come under … uh … fetish or BDSM?”
I stared at Eric with a blank expression. “I have no idea. These communities aren’t really mainstream though, it’s not like you’re going to stumble on the details of the club on a blog or something.”
“I’m not looking for details on the club, just trying to find someone who might know about it.”
I walked round so I was standing behind him and watched as he tried different words and phrases in the search engine. A familiar page popped up and I leaned over to point at the link.
“Hey, that’s the forum I looked at when I searched for Red Candy.”
“Then it sounds like a good place to start.”
Eric clicked on the forum and looked at the threads, nothing really stood out except the phrase in bold letters at the top of the subject board.
You must register with the forum to view all topics.
So, we did. An account for Erkie was created, now we just needed the forum administrator to approve it.
We registered for three forums before deciding to turn in for the night. There wasn’t anything else we could do except wait, and we might as well sleep while we did that. I had some anxiety as I led Eric to my bedroom. Would he think it was too messy and cluttered? Would he start moving my furniture around? Did he have anything to wear? The last question was easy, so I asked him.
“Uh … I didn’t think of that. I don’t think borrowing one of your T-shirts would work for me.”
His smile was a little lopsided and it made tingle in all the right places. I averted my eyes as he started to pull his shirt over his head and scampered into the bathroom with my night clothes. When I’d gotten inside I realised I’d picked up what I usually wear, a small cami and shorts. I was nervous about walking out wearing so little but figured if I ran quick enough he might not notice. We were at a point where there was genuine friendship mixed with the attraction, the last thing I wanted was for him to think I was throwing myself at him and making him run for the hills. I took a deep breath before opening the bathroom door and attempting to make a break for it, only to slam right into Eric’s chest as he waited outside for his turn. An ‘oof’ noise escaped my mouth before I bounced off him and landed on my butt. Before I could work out where I was, two strong arms were pulling me back up on to my feet.
“Are you okay? I didn’t expect you to zoom out like the devil was chasing you. Is there a spider in there or something?”
“Uh … no, I’m just really … tired and wanted to get into bed as quickly as possible.”
Our eyes met for a second before Eric’s dropped and took in my outfit. Just to make things worse, my nipples pebbled under his gaze. I cursed inwardly; my boobs might as well have jumped on to his face shouting ‘look at us! We’re here’. He looked like he was mesmerised by them, I made an executive decision and turned away from him, cheerily stating that the bathroom was free while I scurried toward the bed and threw myself under the duvet. I hid under the covers until I felt the other side of the bed sink under Eric’s weight.
“Sookie, are you okay?”
“Yep, I’m fine. Nothing wrong here at all, goodnight!”
I pushed the covers down a little and reached over to turn off the light, when I rolled back I was right next to Eric. His hard body was warm, I squeezed my eyes closed and started to wiggle away from him when an arm caught me around the waist.
“Can I hold you?”
I froze, not knowing whether that was a good idea or not. But it was Eric who asked, it was on his terms. If he didn’t feel comfortable holding me he wouldn’t ask right?
I placed a hand on his arm and squeaked when he pulled me against him, my back flush against his chest. Eric inhaled loudly before exhaling and quietly groaning at the same time, I felt his nose press on to the top of my head. Did he smell my hair? Whether he did or not, it made no difference to the fact that I was obviously in the arms of a champion snuggler. I relaxed in his hold and tried to ignore the part of him that was jerking against my rump and hardening. I certainly did not contemplate moving my hips against it. Not at all. Honest.
I woke up the next morning and started to stretch, arching my back to loosen the muscles, but soon halted when the arm around me pulled me closer. Eric nuzzled the back of my neck, pushing my hair out of the way with his nose and planting lazy kisses on the exposed skin while grinding his pelvis into my thigh. Certain parts of him were more awake than others.
“Mmmmm … Sookie.” He murmured into my shoulder.
When his hand started to creep up my ribcage and cup one of my breasts, I tensed. Eric didn’t do the intimacy thing, no matter how much I wanted this to happen, there was no telling what his reaction would be if touched him and he woke up while I was groping him.
“Eric?” I spoke loudly and clearly, making him jump back and sit up in the bed.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“You were feeling me up in your sleep.” I sat up and turned to face him. A smirk graced his features.
“I was?” His smirk turned to a frown. “You stopped me.”
“Uh … yes.”
“I … well … I wasn’t sure how you would feel if I reciprocated and you woke up.”
“But you wanted to?”
“Eric.” I sighed. “You’re very attractive, if a little fucked up, and it’s been a long time since a man touched me. What do you think?”
Eric scooted a little closer, looking at my breasts and licking his lips. “I think … next time you shouldn’t stop me.”
Just as he leaned in to kiss me, my alarm clock went off. I shrieked in surprise and Eric jumped away from me, falling off the bed in the process. I scrambled to the source of the noise and slapped the off button while Eric laughed from the floor on the other side of the bed. In a way, I was glad the tension was broken. I really needed food and coffee before my brain could tackle the complexities of whatever was going on between Eric and me.
After breakfast we had some time before Eric had to leave for work, so we logged on to see if our forum memberships had been approved. Two had, but the last one required us to reply to a private message from the administrator. I thought it was a little heavy handed, but Eric explained that it was to deter spammers and trolls or people who didn’t have much interest in the movement. I guess it made sense that they wouldn’t want to discuss such personal stuff with people who would only scoff at them or judge them. We opened the PM, not really knowing what to expect. It was simple enough questions but they would make it harder for those who were signing up simply for titillation or to rag on people’s life choices.
While we waited for the membership for Ctrl/Alt to clear, we scoured the other two forums for any clues about the mysterious club Amelia had taken Pam to. All we managed to find out was where you could buy the best collars and that red, peep-toe stilettos really got the community in a frenzy. I sighed and slumped in the chair.
“Well that was a big fat waste of time.”
“Not necessarily.” Eric smiled and pulled the laptop closer to him, typing and clicking furiously before turning it back to me. “There, if you don’t ask – you don’t get.”
I stared at the screen and noticed that he had started a new topic.
Posted by Erkie:
Hi, I’m new here but I heard about a club that was pretty wild and free. I don’t know the name or where it’s based, other than Shreveport – from what I’ve been told it moves around but I don’t know why. Has anyone else heard of it and could maybe give me some information?
Eric was right, how were we supposed to find things out if we didn’t’ ask? Had I gotten too used to information falling into my lap? I nodded at him and left a similar post on the other forum we were cleared for. All we had to do was wait … again. We had created a gmail account for all of the forum information to be sent, and Eric made sure to subscribe to the topic we started so any replies would be emailed to us. He went to Baldur’s gate for the day and I sat in front of my laptop, religiously pressing F5 on my browser every five minutes.
17th May 2010
It’s getting harder to concentrate at work or at home. It’s just so boring, I wish I could give it up and spend my time getting buzzed on Ame’s meth-shots and getting screwed six ways from Sunday. When I have that kick that the meth gives me, it’s like everything in the world is okay. I can be tied up, tied down, fucked on the swing or spend three hours licking and sucking at Ame’s sweet pussy and drinking down her cum – it’s all good. There was a fight at the club tonight, apparently someone from a community called Ctrl/Alt found out where the club was and their leader came down to berate people for having a good time. Fuck him. There’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing.
I sat open mouthed at the words; there was something very wrong with what Pam was doing. Drugs, casual sex with multiple partners with no respect or affection … that wasn’t anywhere near right. It chilled me to the bone that the leader of a BDSM community would feel it was necessary to visit this club and try to point out problems. It made me feel better about finding the Ctrl/Alt forum – at least we now knew that the groups weren’t connected through Amelia, Andre or Sophie-Anne.
I put the diary down and made myself something to eat, even if I didn’t have much of an appetite. I busied myself, clearing up after my sandwich and making the bed before deciding it was about time I got out of the house. I pulled on my sneakers and took a slow jog around the block before going back inside and sitting down at my laptop again. I had been so busy trying to forget my sadness at Pam’s attitude; I had missed the chimes of the emails that had come into Erkie’s inbox. There were a few replies to our thread, but most of them didn’t give any information we didn’t already know. They just mentioned that it sounded really exclusive and hard to get into. But one reply caught my interest.
Posted by Lady_Sechrest:
I have heard about this ‘club’. Someone who isn’t me went there once and it was enough, they have no respect for the lifestyle and no respect for each other. It’s all about lack of control, not giving control or accepting control. I would urge you to reconsider visiting this club if you have a genuine interest in BDSM as it bears no resemblance to what you would experience at an organised community such as Ctrl/Alt or Black Orchid. With both of those communities, the participants are aware (i.e. not drugged or drunk) and the leaders are respected members of the public (i.e. not linked to illegal activities at all). When a club has no name and moves around, it’s fair to say that it’s probably at risk of being raided for one reason or another.
Her last comments gave me pause; it was like she knew that this club was linked to Red Candy and the Meth distribution. I was itching to send her a PM to try and get some more info but I didn’t want to do that without Eric around. We were in this together.
30th May 2010
Soph introduced me to someone tonight. Apparently he was some big shot oil tycoon from Arabia; he went nuts over my blonde hair and blue eyes but didn’t want to play. It was a shame because I could see how big his cock was as he rubbed it through his pants when he watched me get spit-roasted by Andre and Siegebert. I made Andre lie down while I sucked him off and Siegebert pounded into me so I could see the look in this guy’s eyes. I know he wants me; it’s just a matter of time before he gives in. After he left, Soph looked really pleased. She told me how much I impressed the guy while she kissed and licked my swollen slit better.
I yelped at the sound of my cell chiming as a text message came in, something was off about Pam’s last diary entry. She craved the attention the people at this club gave her, all she wanted to do was please them – it didn’t matter who they were. It made me feel like I’d missed something about her all these years. She always seemed so self-assured and confident; I had no idea where this desire for validation came from.
Almost done at the bar. Meet me at my place; bring an overnight bag and your laptop. Eric xx
I guess I was having another sleepover with Eric then.
Eric’s corvette was in his resident space when I got to his complex. I hauled my bags up the stairs and knocked on the door. When Eric answered and I saw his smile, I realised that I had missed him today. He took my backpack and laptop bag from me and pointed to his coffee table. It was covered in plastic dishes containing a selection of tapas. He had good taste. I was hungry and Eric must have been too, we ate quickly before I helped him clear everything away and set his living room to rights.
I set up my lappy and dug Pam’s diary out of my bag while Eric made coffee. Soon we were settled in front of our resources and I had filled him in on everything I had learned while he was working.
“Wow, so it seems like whatever Pam was doing, it was frowned upon by people who are actually living a BDSM lifestyle. I mean, some of them are into some pretty extreme stuff. So that kind of scares me.” Eric thumbed the pages of Pam’s diary as he spoke. “Oh! I got a call from the Police today. Nothing new, just that there would be an announcement on the local news and papers, they asked if I could send them a recent photo for it.”
“So they didn’t have any information on Amelia or Andre or Sophie-Ann?”
“Nope. I asked but they said they couldn’t divulge details of an open case.”
“I guess that makes sense.” Just then the lappy chimed telling us there was a new email. It was from Ctrl/Alt forum and it wasn’t telling us they would be happy to have us.
PM to Erkie from FDCDom:
Erkie. Although I appreciate your prompt reply to our application PM, I have noticed on other forums that you are interested in facets of the BDSM/Fetish world that we do not endorse. I regret to inform you that we are not interested in those who wish to partake in activities that could damage the already misunderstood reputation that our community has. Thank you for your interest.
“What do we do now?” Eric turned to me, worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth.
“I … I don’t know, Eric. One thing I do know is that I don’t want whoever this person is to think we’re looking for free sex and drugs. In Pam’s diary she mentioned how someone from that community came to the club and, in her words, ‘berated them for having a good time’. I think we can tell them some of the truth – maybe they’ll help us?”
Eric nodded and typed out our reply.
PM to FDCDom from Erkie:
We apologise for any offense our posts on the other forums caused but we only seek information. Our friend has gone missing and was last known to be involved with the club we asked about. We have been investigating her disappearance and stumbled upon some disturbing evidence. But when we reported it to the police, the evidence had been removed and our informant was found dead. I’m sure you can understand why we are hiding behind the veil of appearing interested in this club when there is more at stake than our reputations. You seem to know things about this club; we would appreciate any information you could give us that might lead to us finding out where our friend is.
“So that tells them that we’re not really interested in the club itself.” Eric tapped at his chin, deep in thought. “Anything else you think we should add?”
I shook my head. “No, but there was that Lady Sechrest person from the other forum – maybe we should PM her with something similar?”
Eric nodded and sent Lady Sechrest a PM too, although there was a lot less information. It was a basic ‘sorry to be misleading but we’re looking for a person not the club itself’ note. It all seemed so slow going and fruitless, when we actually went out and met with people and visited the places and people Pam mentioned it felt like we were making more progress. It was more gratifying. This angle was like fly fishing, cast your line and see if you get a bite, going out on the street and making calls was like net fishing – you caught so much you had to spend time sorting out what was useful and what wasn’t. Going by the dejected look on Eric’s face, he preferred the more active option too.
It was getting late, not quite my usual bedtime but pretty close, so I went to the bathroom and got ready for bed. I made a point to pack proper pyjamas and my own toothbrush this time. I walked back into the living room showing very little skin with a clean face and minty fresh breath. Eric was reading Pam’s diary on the couch, his face was flushed pink and when his eyes snapped up to look at me he squirmed uncomfortably.
“Are you okay, another descriptive Pam attack?”
“It’s like reading porn.” Eric smiled wryly. “Except I have the urge to use brain bleach to get the images of Pam out of my head.”
“Oh, I’ve got a cure for that! I don’t picture Pam when I read the sex parts; it makes things a lot easier.”
“So who do you picture? We might as well be imagining the same person.” Eric grinned.
“Uh …” My brain scrambled to come up with a name, someone, anyone but me. I took too long answering and Eric’s eyes widened as he realised what the delay was.
“You imagine it’s you?” I closed my eyes and nodded slowly. This ranked very high on my list of conversations I don’t ever want to have. “Can I imagine it’s you?”
Well, I did’t expect that.